I'm starting to look like a tree trunk, my abdomen is absorbing my ass at an alarming rate. What? How? I like trees, but I miss my cute pants and high heels, and I will surely miss having a butt. In my 40’s I could cover the aging process with good posture, a little face powder, and some stretching. Now in my mid-50’s no one asks if I’d like a senior discount anymore, it is freely given. All of my shoes are comfortable, all of my fabrics are breathable, and the magnification

People with penises want to show me - you, all of us - their dicks. Maybe, on some level, that translates to their desire to be really seen, their vulnerabilities, hopes, disappointments, and ennui. Maybe? If I sound hopeful here, it’s because I am. I have been searching for healthy romantic connection with men since back in my “Sweet Valley High” days when I longed for my first kiss and had a painful crush on Silver Spoons-era Jason Bateman. My mom provided my first close-u

During the summer of 2021 I was searching for my next gig. My resume read like an ADHD diagnosis: at-home-mom, fashion stylist, copywriter, sex club owner, and devoted generalist of gardening, travel, performing, and childcare. I was qualified for everything and nothing at all, my professional references were from fellow sex club owners, my last W2 job was in 2001, and I was looking for work during a pandemic. It was grim. Until I saw an ad on Craig's List looking for a live-

While I'm my 50's I'm taking back the stuff that brought me joy in my first decades of life. I'm dabbling: improv, stand-up, mahjong, might even start sewing again. I'm leaning in to activities that require a sound body. The slow unravel has begun and I need more stretching, more supplements, and more sleep than ever. Gotta exploit this body while she's still functional! With this as a guide star, I decided to be a ski instructor this year. I figured I had all the necessary s

When I turned 40 I had two children, a 20-year-old marriage, and a wild hair up my ass. I’m 55 now, and with time and reflection it's abundantly clear that this was, in fact, perimenopause. We didn’t have TikTok in 2010, how was I to know? At the time it felt like I was finding my sexual agency - I was sexy and alive. It was intoxicating. It all started when I told my husband that I wanted to have sex with other people. Happily, he agreed so we opened our marriage and dived h